xXx: Return of Xander Cage (2017)
Directed by: D.J. Caruso
Premise: The third film in the xXx series. American intelligence agencies are sent into a panic by a rogue device that can cause satellites to fall out of sky. Superspy Xander Cage (Vin Diesel) comes out of hiding to find the device.
What Works: The filmmakers of xXx: Return of Xander Cage don’t have any illusions about the kind of film that they are making and it is impossible to completely detest a movie that recognizes its own ridiculousness. The moviemakers insert a few self-aware jokes and include a few cameos allowing the picture a few laughs at its own expense. These are the best parts of the film. The appeal of 2002’s xXx was the combination of action sequences with extreme sports set pieces. Xander Cage was an athlete who used his skills at skiing and parachuting in the service of taking out bad guys and viewers who were fans of the original xXx will probably find what they are looking for in this installment.
What Doesn’t: The third xXx film sees the return of character Xander Cage, played by Vin Diesel, after his absence from 2005’s xXx: State of the Union. This is presented as a big deal, like Sean Connery returning to the role of James Bond in Diamonds Are Forever and Never Say Never Again. But it’s not a big deal because Xander Cage is not an interesting character and Vin Diesel is not a remarkable actor. Diesel has proven himself likable in the Fast and the Furious series but only as a part of an ensemble cast rather than as a standalone star. In the Fast and the Furious films his stoicism contrasts with the humor and warmth and passion of the rest of the cast but on his own in the xXx films Diesel’s tough guy act is monotonous. Coming fifteen years after the first xXx film and more than a decade after the second installment, Return of Xander Cage is another example of a sequel released well after anyone stopped caring about this franchise and it only exists to cash in on title recognition. Even for the kind of movie this is, Return of Xander Cage is really stupid. And it isn’t that the film is ludicrous; that’s par for the course. What makes Return of Xander Cage really terrible are the ways it fails at being a silly action movie. This is the kind of film that Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone would have made in the 1980s and early 90s but it has none of the charm that those action heroes brought to their movies. Instead, Return of Xander Cage is built around a lead character who is unsympathetic and frequently obnoxious. In addition to his starring role, Vin Diesel is also credited as a producer on this film and Return of Xander Cage comes off as an ego trip on Diesel’s behalf. A lot of the movie consists of scenes in which everyone is impressed by Xander Cage and can’t believe they are in the same room with him. This is taken to absurd and sexist extremes as virtually all of the women throw themselves at Cage and otherwise melt in his presence. But Cage doesn’t actually do anything to deserve these accolades. He doesn’t have any useful skills and he’s a lousy secret agent. In addition to Diesel’s charisma-free presence, the rest of the cast is terrible. It isn’t all their fault. There are some talented actors in the supporting roles like Toni Collette, Nina Dobrev, and Rory McCann but they are all sabotaged by a terrible script. The dialogue is supposed to sound tough but it just makes everyone sound like an idiot. But worst for an action movie, Return of Xander Cage doesn’t succeed in its set pieces. Rob Coen, the director of the original xXx, was not a great filmmaker but he did make that movie with some style. Return of Xander Cage is utterly by the numbers and the action sequences are uninvolving and incoherent. What should at least be a rip-roaring good time is frequently boring.
Bottom Line: xXx: Return of Xander Cage has no reason to exist nor does it find one. Everyone is just going through the motions and there’s no sense of showmanship to it. This feels like a movie that should have gone directly to DVD.
Episode: #633 (February 5, 2017)